I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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