I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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