I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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