the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
