I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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