did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
