Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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