the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
