im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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