Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
