is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize