She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
