even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
