Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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