How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You made out with two different species that night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
