is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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