oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
