Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
