He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
