TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
two words...techno handjob
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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