Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
