Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Semen is not good for contacts.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
