woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
