im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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