repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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