Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
