when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
