Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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