If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
