Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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