that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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