I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish you could order shots online.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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