you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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