uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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