so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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