btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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