So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
