i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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