So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
