Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
