Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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