put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
