He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
