Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
