Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish you could order shots online.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
