Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
