I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
