Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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