so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am spending my child support on dildos
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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