you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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