Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
