Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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