I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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