it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Green mimosas i think yes
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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