We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
