forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
