Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize