Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
