Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have aggressive nipples.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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