You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
