if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
