i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
