i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
