So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
