let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
