the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
