Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
