im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
