He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.