Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.