I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
is wine microwaveable?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.