Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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