You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
