It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
